Archive for the ‘Prose’ Category

Unconscious Ludicrous Rambling

21 June 2016

Last night my unconscious mind decided to entertain me with what had to be the most ludicrous story. It had a title ‘a stitch in time’ about a bunch of hobgoblins and their leader who can slow time for everyone else while they rob. The protagonist was named Eli who repaired pottery for a living. It all took place in the early 19th century. Eli had invented a steam powered car and used steam power in his shop and somehow could sense the villains presence. He was able to tie the villain so they were stuck in real time at which point they exploded for no apparent reason. But at least it had title.

Then, as an encore, my mind gave me an episode of X-Files about a group of mutated hillbillies who live off sucking electricity and are only caught when the owner of the house they were syphoning from dies unexpectedly which results in the electricity being turned off and their frantic attempts to access new source or hilariously try to make their own.


Dr. Strangelove II

23 February 2012

In my dreams last night I wrote a script for a movie about a trial run for an attack on Iran’s nuclear facilities going awry with Martin Sheen as the president and Jim Parsons as the crazy scientist. Too bad we don’t have a Peter Sellers type actor around and that I couldn’t write a movie if I wanted to.


My Son

27 August 2011

Things I miss already:

  • Him sleeping with his arms raised above his head and his hands clenched
  • His cooing
  • When his hands were so small he couldn’t wrap his fingers all the way around mine

Things I love about him right now:

  • The way he smiles when he sees me
  • When he hugs and puts his head down on my shoulder
  • When he talks even though I do not understand a thing he is trying to say
  • How he wants to explore everything
  • That he enjoys feeding himself, especially Cheerios

Things I am looking forward to:

  • His first step
  • When he says “dad” and means it
  • When he says “mom” and means it
  • When he says “I love you”  – although we already know he does

Dreaming Sci-Fi

18 September 2010

I often have very complex dreams in universes developed in my subconscious. Last night’s dream was weirder than normal. It followed a guy who was part of a group living mostly subterranean under a post apocalyptic planet. The group was fairly unaware of what happened to cause the decay of civilization. There was some, like the the main character, who could work lost technology. Then one day the main character comes across himself. Well, someone who looked like him, just dead many many years. The lost technology activated in this case was a backup memory node located near the base of the spine. The main character learns that he is the clone of the dead guy. Cloning had been a standard procedure that allowed continued existence. Clones nearing activation were given implants for remotely controlling technology as well as additional memory storage. Normally clones did not have a life before activation. Activation resulted into the assimilation of a personality into clone. But all of the group on the planet were clones activated without the assimilation of personality. The group left on the planet was part of an eventual re-population plan. Then the story gets even weirder.  Turns out the dead guy stayed behind while all the other originals left in a near-light speed star-ship. The dead guy had to stay behind because he ended up getting a woman pregnant, something unusual in their society but something the clones would need to know about and copy if re-population was ever to happen.The act was some sort of memory imprint to place in the clones and something the dead guy and the woman wanted to do. The love for the woman now spreads to the main character who now is attracted to her clone even though the clone is in another relationship. The dead guy’s spot on the star ship was taken by his child. A self-sacrifice he was more than willing to make. The dead guy watched the star-ship take off and even spoke with them while they were still within communication range. The main character also finds out that things have not been going as planned back on the planet. Strife, bloodshed, warfare, things that were not supposed to have continued. Other weird scenes were a huge underground cavern of cryogenic clones still waiting to help in the re-population, bullets shooting out of peoples eyes, and it seems that the star-ships fusion engines resulted in the burning of the atmosphere. I am not remembering it all now, but I think this gives you the idea of just how vivid the dream was and how ridiculous. I like it that I have such imaginative dreams, I just with I could put them to words better.

I Wish I was Funnier

7 March 2010

If the only way you could get electricity and heat in your home and work would be to have a power plant next to your house, you would want the power plant to use:
1 ) Coal because you like the smell of coal burning in the morning
2 ) Nuclear Fission because you think it is safe
3 ) Nuclear Fusion because you live in the not too distant future (after all, it is always only 20 years away)
4 ) Natural Gas because it will never run out
5 ) Hydro-electric because you happen to live next to a waterfall
6 ) Solar because you like the warm feeling it gives you
7 ) Wind because it reminds you of Monet
8 ) None because you produce all the power you need through a hand-crank

The vehicle you drive most closely compares to a:
1 ) Hummer
2 ) Explorer
3 ) BMW
4 ) Caravan
5 ) Subaru Outback
6 ) Civic
7 ) Prius
8 ) Bicycle

Your ideal diet consists of:
1 ) Bacon because everything is better with bacon
2 ) Steak
3 ) KFC because it is not just Kentucky fried chicken anymore
4 ) Sushi
5 ) Coffee because coffee is all you need
6 ) Dairy because you have never met a cheese you didn’t like
7 ) The fruits of the trees and the grains of the earth
8 ) None of the above because eating things that cast a shadow is wrong

When you think of nature you think:
1 ) Time to use the snow blower
2 ) Something to shoot at
3 ) Central Park
4 ) Niagara Falls
5 ) That nice paved walking trail by the river
6 ) Finger Lakes National Forest
7 ) Yellowstone
8 ) Tanzania

Your tired of the climate change debate because:
1 ) Those global warming doomsayers should all be locked up
2 ) You knew all along it wasn’t getting warmer and all the snow proves it
3 ) It just gets in the way of sports coverage
4 ) Nobody seems to be making any sense
5 ) You figure it can wait for someone else to take care of
6 ) You keep saying your going to do something about it
7 ) You only do what Al Gore tells you to do
8 ) You built your own bio dome and of course Pauli Shore showed up

If I was funnier I would know how to turn this from an idea to a good joke.

More Prose I Wrote A Long Time Ago

4 March 2010

It Is A Small World

What air will we breath,
when it is all polluted.
What water will we drink,
when it is all polluted.
What land will we farm,
when it is all polluted.
It is a small world after all,
when it is all polluted.

Wrote that in middle school. Think that is depressing? Just wait till I get to the real depressing stuff I wrote in high school. Though some of it was good.

Something I Wrote A Long Time Ago

18 February 2010

To each their own endless candle

Burning brightly out of sight

A sturdy amber flame of sort

lighting up as day each night

While talking we can view

the reflection in others eyes

reminding us the light still shines

even when the bearer dies

Buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo … oh whatever

23 December 2009

Wikipedia says that “Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.” is a grammatically correct sentence. Even if it is a grammatically correct sentence, it does not make any sense. I think that even Buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo doesn’t make any sense. Buffalo buffalo buffalo might make sense till you realize that Buffalo [Bills] does not in fact buffalo anyone.

Writer’s Block

4 December 2008

Can one have writer’s block if they don’t really ever write that much?

I had another idea for a story, but I am having a hard time writing it down. I keep getting bogged down in details that I am sure no one would find interesting. Also, I have no concept of how to write realistic conversations. All the dialogue seems instead to be internal monologue. And boring at best.

Worse, the premise appeared as a news story a couple days ago. I want to claim precognition, but even I doubt it.

Oh well, I guess I was never meant to be a writer.

Quote of the Day

18 April 2008

I feel bad leaving here without a bag of poop.
-Laura K.

Things you (hopefully) only hear at a dog park.